My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
