you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
