dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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