I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
