dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
