Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
