Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
