honey bunches of taint.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
nutella sex= disaster
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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