i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
