You made me cry and you don't even care
he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
