how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
