that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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