Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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