Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
