I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
