My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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