I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
