I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
