direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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