She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
