We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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