a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
