nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
