She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Fuck appropriateness.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Randomize
