my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
