i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
