I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
