There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
