Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
