I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
