also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
