Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
