As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
