It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize