speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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