i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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