drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
