I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
