This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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