forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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