she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
