the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
