I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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