It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
