i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
