You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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