drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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