is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
