Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
