saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize