Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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