I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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