dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
