I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
