seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
