Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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