We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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