stop calling my apartment porn island.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
