this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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