you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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