the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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