she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
