just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
