you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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