Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
