Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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