How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
