I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
