So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
