I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
