I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize