My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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