Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
