I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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