What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
