Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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