elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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