haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
