im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
