I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
How naked do you want me to be?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
