I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
