I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize