Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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