i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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