i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Randomize
