Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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