considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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