this beer tastes like vomit already
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
