dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
