Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
can u get pink eye on your cock?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
