porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Who put my cat in the fridge?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
