If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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