I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
