At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
